We had the first orthopedist visit for my oldest boy yesterday and he is healing up quite nicely. Everything is in place and looking great. I passed my GACE exams (teacher certification, for those who don't know) with flying colors. I actually made a professional score even though I was only taking the exam for program admission; which means that I won't have to take the exam again after my student teaching experience. YAY! Our new house is coming together, we just moved into my late grandmother's house and fixing it up has been difficult. Not only are there many things that need to be fixed, every room holds memories and we are tasked with cleaning out her estate. There have been many nights spent crying.
Now comes the part where I complain a bit. It's gonna be rant-y, so I won't be offended if you skip it.
It hurts. I have family who were supposed to be here, side-by-side with me, wading through the sea of painful memories and porcelain (my grandma was an avid collector of knickknacks). No one has shown up like they promised; busy schedules, dog has a dentist appointment, just can't face reality right now, you know, that sort of thing. I've spent almost every night for 6 months crying because I don't know what to do. I was very close to my grandma, we lived right next door and I had no restrictions on when I could visit her. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of everyone else being able to close their eyes and pretend that this never happened. I feel the emptiness in this house every day. I feel like I've lost so much more than just my grandmother. I've lost the person who taught me how to cook, how to skin a fish, how to dress like a lady, how to stand up for myself; I've lost my confidant. I feel the burden of carrying on her legacy for the upcoming holiday. I want to with every fiber of my being, I feel as though it is my duty and my homage to her. I'm terrified that I can't fill her shoes. Honestly, I'm more terrified that she really was the only thing holding our family together and no one will show up.
Rant-y part over, you can look again now.
I hope to post photos of a lovely holiday dinner soon and show off some of my other talents :) Might even have some time to do some art.
Peace be with you all. XOXO
~Moogie
Friday, November 20, 2015
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Diva Challenge 243 and Drama for This Mama
Eventful week doesn't even begin to describe things. We were finally starting to think that our lives were coming together and DH wouldn't have to miss work anymore (we were in a car accident last month) and then things came crashing down last night. My oldest son decided to trip over the dog and off the porch, breaking his dominant arm. I was a terrified mommy! It was his first major injury, thankfully no surgery yet (they assure me that it is a very small possibility that he might still need it if the bones don't set right). He has been a trooper though, still helping what he can with chores (not a lot) and finding new hobbies that he can do with one arm (one of which is tangling with me to refine his motor skills in his non-dominant hand so that he can write with it).
At any rate, sitting in the ER gave me some time to participate in the Diva Challenge for this week. So, without further ado, I present my entry for the challenge which was to leave over half the tile blank:
I couldn't resist adding the Christmas looking leaves at the top; the tangle, Cack, at the bottom looks so much like peppermint! I'm thinking about doing some calligraphy in the middle and using these as holiday party invitations.
At any rate, sitting in the ER gave me some time to participate in the Diva Challenge for this week. So, without further ado, I present my entry for the challenge which was to leave over half the tile blank:
I couldn't resist adding the Christmas looking leaves at the top; the tangle, Cack, at the bottom looks so much like peppermint! I'm thinking about doing some calligraphy in the middle and using these as holiday party invitations.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Diva Zentangle Challenge #242
So, this is the first Zentangle® Challenge that I have been brave enough to post. The challenge was to use the newest official tangle, gourdgeous, I am admittedly still getting the hang of the new tangle, but it's growing on me. I have to admit that I have fallen utterly in love with the Zentangle Method of creating art "one stroke at a time." My life lends itself to being chaotic, hectic, and sometimes simply distressing. Art has always been my outlet, but this method seems to have a something that I just can't explain. One day I certainly hope to be able to attend the seminars and become a CZT. Until then, it's just me and the wee ones tangling away.
Here goes nothing
All about me!
About me, the facts:
I am 27 with 3 kids. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and a slightly crooked smile. I'm (almost) a teacher. I am on my third year of classes for my Bachelor's in education. I love crafts of all kinds (which I'll probably post pictures of), video games (which I'll probably talk about a lot), and my family (which I'll be posting pictures of and talking about a lot). Most of my writing will be venting about my struggle with PTSD, low self esteem, poverty during childhood, and issues with our education system (which is actually the reason I started this blog).
About me, my past:
I am now happily married to the other half of my soul although it wasn't always that way. I had a very abusive relationship which gave me my oldest two children. My childhood was better than some, but it still left me with a pretty skewed view of the world. I dealt with a somewhat controversial issue known as spiritual abuse when I was a child. I was taught to feel as though I was less than any man, by simple definition. I am now proudly a feminist, just not one of the man-hating, bra-burning, angry kind. I'm more of the philosophy that if we want more women in STEM fields, we should encourage interest in STEM fields from the time our little girls are toddlers. You know, that sort of common sense approach to equality.
About my writing:
Some of my writing might seem a little self centered and rambling. That's because it is. This blog is for me to share my story. Everything I feel about my life so far, everything I've been through. Sometimes I'm a little wordy, other times I write like a petulant four year old. That's because I have some emotions that have been bottled up ever since I was a petulant four year old. I intend to keep those writings because they will be a part of me, a part of my journey. They will help show what I went through and how much it damaged me. I feel like I'm rising like a phoenix from the ashes, even though there are still struggles for me and my family.
So that's me! I look forward to hearing from the masses and maybe showing someone that you can make it no matter what.
About me, the facts:
I am 27 with 3 kids. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and a slightly crooked smile. I'm (almost) a teacher. I am on my third year of classes for my Bachelor's in education. I love crafts of all kinds (which I'll probably post pictures of), video games (which I'll probably talk about a lot), and my family (which I'll be posting pictures of and talking about a lot). Most of my writing will be venting about my struggle with PTSD, low self esteem, poverty during childhood, and issues with our education system (which is actually the reason I started this blog).
About me, my past:
I am now happily married to the other half of my soul although it wasn't always that way. I had a very abusive relationship which gave me my oldest two children. My childhood was better than some, but it still left me with a pretty skewed view of the world. I dealt with a somewhat controversial issue known as spiritual abuse when I was a child. I was taught to feel as though I was less than any man, by simple definition. I am now proudly a feminist, just not one of the man-hating, bra-burning, angry kind. I'm more of the philosophy that if we want more women in STEM fields, we should encourage interest in STEM fields from the time our little girls are toddlers. You know, that sort of common sense approach to equality.
About my writing:
Some of my writing might seem a little self centered and rambling. That's because it is. This blog is for me to share my story. Everything I feel about my life so far, everything I've been through. Sometimes I'm a little wordy, other times I write like a petulant four year old. That's because I have some emotions that have been bottled up ever since I was a petulant four year old. I intend to keep those writings because they will be a part of me, a part of my journey. They will help show what I went through and how much it damaged me. I feel like I'm rising like a phoenix from the ashes, even though there are still struggles for me and my family.
So that's me! I look forward to hearing from the masses and maybe showing someone that you can make it no matter what.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Why do the smart kids need their own class?
Tonight I go to bed with a very heavy heart. Our family is dealing with a lot and the hits keep coming. This time the target is my oldest boy and I don't know if I should ask for strength to deal with the problem or willpower not to. It hurts my heart for him to come home and echo the same bullying voices from my own childhood. How can someone be 'too smart'? How can kids be so mean?
I know what a critical time this is in his life, because I remember the day that I started hating my 'gift.' I remember the day when I was too much of a goody-two-shoes to swear in front of because I'd tell. I remember being told to just shut up. "No one wants to hear about [insert random fact about the topic we were studying]." "No one cares if you're smart, we don't want you in our group." "Smart girls will never get good boyfriends (jokes on you, I've been married for 5 years, and he's wonderful)."
"Just shut up"
Those words sting. They hurt. They burn into my soul even now, worse now because my son is crying while he repeats the cruel words of his classmates. He tells me that he'd rather be trapped in a video game world and face death fighting monsters than go back to his reading class.
He's 10.
He is ten years old and he would rather face death than his classmates.
You want to know why gifted classes should be mandatory in every school? Why they should be just as prized as the other forms of special ed? People like my son and myself are why. People who are so smart that they don't understand why the algebra equations don't just unravel in your head the way they do in ours. People who are tired of being told to "just shut up." We can't function in everyday classrooms any better than the child with autism or severe ADHD. Kids are cruel, they jump on the 'different is bad' bandwagon. The smart kids need their own safe haven, their own special coach to remind them of what is good and wonderful about them. Yeah, I get that parents should do that, but it's not the same. Kids are at school about 8 hours a day. Teachers and staff become like their family, their home away from home. 'Gifted' children need that extra bit of support that all children with special needs do.
I know what a critical time this is in his life, because I remember the day that I started hating my 'gift.' I remember the day when I was too much of a goody-two-shoes to swear in front of because I'd tell. I remember being told to just shut up. "No one wants to hear about [insert random fact about the topic we were studying]." "No one cares if you're smart, we don't want you in our group." "Smart girls will never get good boyfriends (jokes on you, I've been married for 5 years, and he's wonderful)."
"Just shut up"
Those words sting. They hurt. They burn into my soul even now, worse now because my son is crying while he repeats the cruel words of his classmates. He tells me that he'd rather be trapped in a video game world and face death fighting monsters than go back to his reading class.
He's 10.
He is ten years old and he would rather face death than his classmates.
You want to know why gifted classes should be mandatory in every school? Why they should be just as prized as the other forms of special ed? People like my son and myself are why. People who are so smart that they don't understand why the algebra equations don't just unravel in your head the way they do in ours. People who are tired of being told to "just shut up." We can't function in everyday classrooms any better than the child with autism or severe ADHD. Kids are cruel, they jump on the 'different is bad' bandwagon. The smart kids need their own safe haven, their own special coach to remind them of what is good and wonderful about them. Yeah, I get that parents should do that, but it's not the same. Kids are at school about 8 hours a day. Teachers and staff become like their family, their home away from home. 'Gifted' children need that extra bit of support that all children with special needs do.
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