We had the first orthopedist visit for my oldest boy yesterday and he is healing up quite nicely. Everything is in place and looking great. I passed my GACE exams (teacher certification, for those who don't know) with flying colors. I actually made a professional score even though I was only taking the exam for program admission; which means that I won't have to take the exam again after my student teaching experience. YAY! Our new house is coming together, we just moved into my late grandmother's house and fixing it up has been difficult. Not only are there many things that need to be fixed, every room holds memories and we are tasked with cleaning out her estate. There have been many nights spent crying.
Now comes the part where I complain a bit. It's gonna be rant-y, so I won't be offended if you skip it.
It hurts. I have family who were supposed to be here, side-by-side with me, wading through the sea of painful memories and porcelain (my grandma was an avid collector of knickknacks). No one has shown up like they promised; busy schedules, dog has a dentist appointment, just can't face reality right now, you know, that sort of thing. I've spent almost every night for 6 months crying because I don't know what to do. I was very close to my grandma, we lived right next door and I had no restrictions on when I could visit her. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of everyone else being able to close their eyes and pretend that this never happened. I feel the emptiness in this house every day. I feel like I've lost so much more than just my grandmother. I've lost the person who taught me how to cook, how to skin a fish, how to dress like a lady, how to stand up for myself; I've lost my confidant. I feel the burden of carrying on her legacy for the upcoming holiday. I want to with every fiber of my being, I feel as though it is my duty and my homage to her. I'm terrified that I can't fill her shoes. Honestly, I'm more terrified that she really was the only thing holding our family together and no one will show up.
Rant-y part over, you can look again now.
I hope to post photos of a lovely holiday dinner soon and show off some of my other talents :) Might even have some time to do some art.
Peace be with you all. XOXO
~Moogie
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